i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
