Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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