just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
