Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
