im six kinds of drunk right now
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
