An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
