I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
