What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
