So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
