I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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