I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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