stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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