Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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