So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
