how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
