He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
