You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
