Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
