I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
