Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
