hell yes lets make some ravioli
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
