i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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