even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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