I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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