Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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