We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
