people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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