don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
