I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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