if you like me you must not know who I am
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
