i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
