I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
