you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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