You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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