you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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