if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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