I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
