i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
