I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
