someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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