I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
