I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
