You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
