i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
