i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
