I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
