I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
