I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
