I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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