don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
