it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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