and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
