Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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