Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh god it's open bar.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
