and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
