Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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